And the saddest part? My niece said "You would prefer your friends over us any time. You don't even have time for us." WHAT IS TIME, anyway? I don't even have one minute to spare and you dare say I don't have time for you when I'm spending my Saturday (which I can use to catch up on my studies and finish reading those stupid journals)?! I don't remember you spending time to call me when you were in uni. You weren't there when I needed a friend the most so don't you dare judge me when I have drench every muscle in my being just to spend time with you on Saturdays. Ugh.
Okay. I'm gonna stop ranting now. I'm too frustrated with certain people. I feel as if I'm trying too much. For everyone. I keep telling myself I'm not stressed, I'm not pressured in any sort of way. But today, clutching my stomach as I ache the entire night for who knows what reason, I realized I might be really burning myself to the point of melting away.
The cause? I have 12 assignments this semester. Each bearing 10%-25%. This list is suffocating me:
1. Social Psychology research proposal - 13 April 2012, 2.00pm
2. Community Mental Health booth proposal - 20 April 2012, 2.00pm
3. Job Analysis assignment - 30 April 2012, 4pm
4. Vineland Adaptive Behaviour Scale (VABS) report - 8 May 2012, 5pm
5. Motivation and Emotion survey report - 10 May 2012
6. Social Psychology interview (prejudice/discrimination) - 15 May 2012, 2pm
7. Community Mental Health booth exhibition - 18 May 2012
8. Community Mental Health quiz - 31 May 2012, in-class
9. Developmental essay (teenage pregnancy/substance abuse in adolescents) - 12 June 2012, 5pm
10. Organisational Psychology qUIZ - 12 June 2012, in-class
11. Motivation and Emotion survey presentation - 15 June 2012, in-class
12. Social Psychology research poster - 19 June 2012, 2pm
Ugh. I have 2 long-term experiments and 2 interviews this semester. I don't know how I'm going to cope. But I have faith that just like all the times that God has been good to me, He will do it again this year.
Scared? Of course I am. Stressed? Occasionally. Frustrated with people who don't appreciate me? Definitely. I'm just glad that every time I feel like banging my head against the wall, I can close my eyes, kneel down, and just spit my heart out to God. And I know He's listening because I gain comfort and strength then. A friend asked me "Why are you so assured that Jesus is Son of God?". And I thought to myself "Oh darling, you don't know how many times I wanted to give up on life simply to have the thought of Jesus covering me with all His love and mercy to stop me.". There's simply no one like Him.
I've already decided on my priorities so I will have to let go of some things this year. Like watching movies and tv series (I have lots of downloaded stuff I haven't watch cos I simply can't spare the time). Or even going out. And perhaps sometimes, sleep. My body has begin to adapt to sleeping 4 or 5 hours a day and I've already figured out a way to stay awake in class. I actually thought about taking pills, haha. Then I realised how much I will disappoint God and also my mentor, so I shed off the thought.
I'm writing this down not to show off or to complain. I just felt like spitting my life story for a moment there. That's it. And to think that I'm not even doing M.B.B.S. but already having these thoughts... it kinda makes me worried for my friends who are studying medicine and dentistry, wherever they are. I pray to God that He'll even be more merciful and loving towards them.
With that... I'm going back to my journals now.
Labels: killer assignments, Sunway stories
