And so, at 12 noon today, I was told that I didn't pass my cut of point. I got 11, simply 1 point short of the passing cut of point.

But even as I hang up the phone, I murmured a "Thank you, God."

Why? I don't really know why. I guess a particular senior of mine has taught me well :) To accept and walk the path that God has prepared for me, I shall be favored and blessed always.

But this is not a post of courage. Nor is it a post to vent out all my anger and dissapointment. It's not all smile, nor is it all tears.

I am not as strong as I'd love to be. People around me keep saying, "Be strong" and "It's ok". The fact is I'd love to sulk and cry my eye balls out, locked in my room with my speaker at its highest volume. I'd love to deactivate my Facebook account and answer no questions. I'd love to just keep to myself and not reply to any comforting comments posted by my friends on my wall.

Because I refuse to be pitiful. I refuse for people to worry over me when they should be all smiles. Just because I'm feeling down, I won't bring anyone else down with me. But most of all, I refuse to give someone else a reason to point fingers at my God and say, "She loved Him, so why did He do this to her?" I didn't ask that question. So you, who are looking and not experiencing this for yourself, won't have any reason to be angry at Him.

I let a lot of people down today. My family, my seniors, my friends... And my juniors.

The thing I feared the most is that my juniors will take my downfall as a threshold to their ability. I feared that they will limit themselves with God and be selfish with their time upon learning my failure. And so I'm here to tell as many juniors as I could, that failure to fly... is not a disease. And I pray that they will be generous with their time and never underestimate God's best plan for their lives.

And my only regret... is to say goodbye to all the wonderful people that I have spent 1.5 years with. It's been great but my journey with you ends here :) I'll start fresh here in Malaysia -- making new friends, making new memories... hoping that they too will last a lifetime in my heart, as you all are :)

That annoying warden must be happy though :p One less noisy girl screaming in the middle of the night for him to handle. Ahh... he is such a jerk, haha.

Thank you, my fellow batchmates, for your comforting words and considerate thoughts. I'll be waiting here in Malaysia. So make sure when you come back for holidays, you'll bring me something from India :p

And thank you God. This road I'm walking now is mine to walk, and I'll walk it with my head held high in confidence... confidence that comes from the assurance that you are walking right next to me.