I was new in town, I was new in college, I was new in church.

Why not someone else?
Oh I don’t know… maybe someone who has at least more experience than me *pointing to Willy*.

Why me?
If they know what I’ve done, what kind of background I come from, they certainly wouldn’t want me.

ARE THEY CRAZY?!

The first night, when we got our booklet, I immediately went through my teammate’s list. Whoa, I got the shock of a lifetime. My assistants were like super duper awesome – Sofie is in ACTS TV and Emmanuel is in VIP. I looked at the names again and my eyes couldn’t stop rolling, amused at what I’ve gotten myself into. And when I looked at the other leaders’ names, my head spins. Seriously. Call me a drama queen but that is the truth.

Great. Just great. Even as Tiffany introduced the group leaders, my hands were shaking. What was I thinking? This is a bad idea. How are they gonna judge me?

Devotion time. I was so friggin’ scared. The night before the first devotion time, I couldn’t sleep. Even as I prepare, I wasn’t as prepared as I would like to be. I never have this kind of problem if Willy asks me to lead Campus Revo at our college. So what was wrong with me?

Telling a group of people you meet everyday your past, letting them know how you became who you are today, sharing with them how merciful God has been in your life, leading them to learn the Word… is totally different from leading a group of strangers, even though you’re doing the exact same thing.

And it scares me. So much.

Even leading them through games was scary. I can be quite scary when it comes to sports and games. Ask my Captain Ball mates. I get really rough and super rude. I really restrained myself from doing anything stupid or should I say from being too rude and rough.

Truth be told, I didn’t enjoy ‘Capture the Flag’ game. Because I realized I got really ‘ugly’. My actions, my words. During the combined-shoot-all-have-no-mercy session (ala, the last session where we even get to shoot the committee), I sat at the side with a heavy heart. Regrets. What else would I have?

But that night… Dave answered all my questions. His answer was simple.

“God can use messed up people.”

I was so touched. And as he prayed for those who are ‘broken’, I broke down into tears.

And my teammates… they were ever so awesome! I was so scared of them initially but as I get to know them, I felt so accepted. They might not agree with me being a leader, but they are so co-operative. Emmanuel, Alan, Chris, and Joey were so pumped up during the games. Sofie and Jeff worked so hard on the flag. Samuel, Rachel, and Elsha helped out for the team’s cheer. Ronson, Rachel, Elsha, Samuel, and Su Yen were really open during devotion time to share their testimonies. Everyone helped out in everything.

And the whole let’s-keep-stealing-the-flag thing… Don’t blame us. Blame Dave. No one actually know this but Dave actually stole our flag less than an hour after each team receives their flags. I was so scared. Samuel and Ronson helped me to look for it while the rest of the team tried to act cool. One of the leaders saw me going around nervously and she asked me what I was looking for. I acted cool and said I was just standing there. She didn’t believe me but she chose to ignore me. Thank God.

Another thank God, for I actually found the flag! Wohoo! The whole team became very paranoid after that. Samuel slept with the flag for one whole night. Elsha and Sofie take turns to watch it the second night. Emmanuel wouldn’t let anyone else apart from our team members to touch it. That was how paranoid we were.

And we vowed to steal the committee flag – they wanted war so war we shall give them! And we did. The first time was very easy. Jonathan took his eyes (or should I say took his hands) off the flag and I couldn’t resist but to steal it ;p The second time was harder. But Emmanuel did it! He stole it right from under their nose! Yes, we are a bunch of sneaky little devils.

In a blink of an eye, it was the last day of camp.

Dave spoke for his final session. He keeps reminding us to make a stand in our campus.

“You are not where you are by accident – be an influence!”

And that was it. I was all charged up for this semester and the next one, and the ones to come. I promised myself, it wouldn’t be just my campus. When I get back to Sibu, I will revive my church’s youth group (which is halfway dead now, I’m not ashamed to say that). All these time, I’ve been blaming my church leaders for not supporting my youth group. I know better now. If no one wants to do, then I’ll do it.

Just like Pastor Sandra said, “If you can’t find a role model, be one.”

The story doesn’t end there though, just not yet. We were doing the praise and worship. I was holding on to my team’s flag. I forgot what song we were singing, in fact I didn’t remember half of the praise and worship session.

The last thing I remembered was raising one hand and feeling like a burden being lifted off me. I felt so light and the next thing I know -- I was on my knees, my eyes filled with tears, I was muttering something under my breath and I couldn’t stop. Even when a leader asked me if she could pray for me, I only nodded. I didn’t even look at her. I just kept muttering these words… It was only after she finished praying for me and gave me a hug that I stopped and I finally realized I’ve been blessed with the gift of speaking in tongues.

I stayed on the floor, on my knees, thanking God as the rest continued with the praise and worship session. I was so touched. I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t. I tried to cry (yes, very stupid of me, I know). But I couldn’t. I asked God, “What’s wrong with me?” And He answered me, “Stop crying. You have no reason to cry. I’ve set your free. You are free.”

So yeah. That’s my story. Campus Camp changed my life.

I walked into El Sanctuary with a heavy heart and this burden of sins on my shoulders. And I walked out a free man. Woman. I meant, a free woman. Wait. A free lady is more appropriate. I’m not that old. Though I also realized I’m not as young as I’d like to be. Haha :D

So yeah. If you ever need prove that God use messed people, come look for me. My phone number is 019-ha-no-way :p Cheers. Let’s go revolutionize KTT – Kolej Tanah Terbiar (I hope I won’t get in trouble with this).