It's the last day of 2009. I think I deserve to write a post totally dedicated to myself :p

Well. Let's see.

The year started off very bad for me.

I lost someone very dearly to me.
And even today, as I wrote this down, I can still feel the lost.
Like a part of me just left.
Like there's a void in my heart.

And every night, as I close my eyes, I can still see her...
I see her breathing her last breath.
And as the rain pours down, I was reminded of the day she left...
It was raining so heavily that day.
And as I wanted to give up...
I was reminded of how long she kept on going even when the doctors gave up on her.
And I can still smell her around...
The days that she lived, even that day she left.

She was my inspiration.
She was the reason I chose to become a doctor.
And I promised I won't give up on my patients.
As long as the patient won't give up on me.
Just as she did.
She always believed that the doctors were doing their best.
But I knew.
I knew a long time that behind the curtains, they were already shaking their head.
That was the moment I knew what I wanted to be.
I silently promised her I won't be like those doctors.
I'll be a better doctor.
And make her proud.
As I always did.

God gives.
God takes.
May her soul rest in peace.

My year got better though.

My SPM result made everyone proud.
And that night I dreamt of her.
She was smiling.
Telling me how proud she is.
By the time I was awake, my pillow was already soaked with tears.

Then it just got better.

JPA scholarship.
:)
I remembered my mum hugging me so tightly that night.
I remembered my dad smiling ever-so-proudly of me.
I remembered my brother telling all his friends that his sister got a scholarship.

We always knew you could make it. We just didn't know you would get this far.
-quoted from my Mum :)-

My doctor.
-quoted from my Dad :)-

But I must say it got worse... at first only la.

Program: A-Level.
Tempoh: 18 bulan.
Tempat pengajian: Kolej Teknologi Timur.

And then there was that infamous Recom post.

http://www.recom.org/forum/showthread.php?p=259798#post259798
(It's the last post, posted under the name -go figure- Melzie.)

Yeah. My bad. I apologised already though. I know when to say sorry when I'm wrong, okay?

And when I got here... I decided I like KTT. Yeah.

So people still expected so much from KTT. But I guess I had enough here.

I like my apartment.
I love my two super-hot housemates ;D
I like my lecturers (enough).

I like waking up 10 minutes before class starts.
I like the fact that in between classes, I can go back to my ever-so-comfortable bed and take a nap.

I like playing Captain Ball once a week.
I like jogging around that extra huge field.
I like going up the hill with my friends just to watch the sun set.

But most of all, I like CF.

KTT Christian Fellowship.
It's practically my life nowadays.
So what if my close circle of friends are mostly the committee members of CF?
I like going to practice every Monday.
I enjoy competing with Maeggie and Eddie as to who would arrive first on Wednesday (that's when we have our weekly gathering).
I enjoy arranging the chairs with those who were willing to stay behind and help after the gathering ends.
I like singing on top of my voice and dancing along during the praise and worship.
I enjoy the speakers and the sharings and the games (especially The Proposal) and the movies.

Ironically, the place that I dreaded the most at first... ended up being the place I found salvation.

This year, I've decided to rededicate my life to Christ on September 6th.

I remember it clearly.
I went up to Yvonne after the 4 p.m. Sunday service and I told her,

"I wanna do it. I wanna come back."

And I found 'home' in the most unexpected place.
I found a family in the most unusual place.
I met true friends in the most inexplicable place.

Kolej Teknologi Timur.

The Lord bless you and keep you.

The Lord made His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.

The Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon you.

And give you peace.

Amen.

(Numbers 6:24-26)

Labels: walking in the clouds