I thought it would make a difference. Apparently, even with 11 As on your back, life still is dull. There's just this certain spark that I've lost, ever since my aunt died, ever since I left SGH with puffy eyes only to look back one last time with a goodbye, ever since I left Kuching knowing I've left a possible life there. And it wasn't just the three deaths in the past three months that still haunts me. It was something else. And I still don't know what it is. I don't know where my spark has gone to. I don't even realised when it was gone. I just knew it's no longer with me. The 11 As were a great effort in trying to get it back. But it was not enough.

Ever feel like you're meant to do greater things, to be more than what you are now? Well, that is how I'm feeling, sitting in front of my laptop, with my back killing me due to too much lying around in bed the whole day. I always have this feeling like I was destined to be someone... greater. I don't know how, when or even why. I hope I'm right. I want to be right.

This feeling is pathetic. I just hope I'll find that spark soon. My life is completely... nothing at the moment.

Labels: walking in the clouds