Dear all,

As the title claims, I am moving to a new domain, starting afresh. My stories will be of a different course, but still written with honesty and delivered straight from my heart.

Follow my tracks to >>> A RUSTY HALO

Nevertheless, I will still keep this blog around. Emotional attachment and what-nots, you know. Teehee.

Ugh. I don't even remember what day is today nor what I did yesterday (or even last night). Ever since class starts, I only have 4 to 5 hours of sleep each day (yes, even during the weekends). Last weekend, I got so tired that I fell like falling apart into oblivion.

And the saddest part? My niece said "You would prefer your friends over us any time. You don't even have time for us." WHAT IS TIME, anyway? I don't even have one minute to spare and you dare say I don't have time for you when I'm spending my Saturday (which I can use to catch up on my studies and finish reading those stupid journals)?! I don't remember you spending time to call me when you were in uni. You weren't there when I needed a friend the most so don't you dare judge me when I have drench every muscle in my being just to spend time with you on Saturdays. Ugh.

Okay. I'm gonna stop ranting now. I'm too frustrated with certain people. I feel as if I'm trying too much. For everyone. I keep telling myself I'm not stressed, I'm not pressured in any sort of way. But today, clutching my stomach as I ache the entire night for who knows what reason, I realized I might be really burning myself to the point of melting away.

The cause? I have 12 assignments this semester. Each bearing 10%-25%. This list is suffocating me:

1. Social Psychology research proposal - 13 April 2012, 2.00pm

2. Community Mental Health booth proposal - 20 April 2012, 2.00pm

3. Job Analysis assignment - 30 April 2012, 4pm

4. Vineland Adaptive Behaviour Scale (VABS) report - 8 May 2012, 5pm

5. Motivation and Emotion survey report - 10 May 2012

6. Social Psychology interview (prejudice/discrimination) - 15 May 2012, 2pm

7. Community Mental Health booth exhibition - 18 May 2012

8. Community Mental Health quiz - 31 May 2012, in-class

9. Developmental essay (teenage pregnancy/substance abuse in adolescents) - 12 June 2012, 5pm

10. Organisational Psychology qUIZ - 12 June 2012, in-class

11. Motivation and Emotion survey presentation - 15 June 2012, in-class

12. Social Psychology research poster - 19 June 2012, 2pm

Ugh. I have 2 long-term experiments and 2 interviews this semester. I don't know how I'm going to cope. But I have faith that just like all the times that God has been good to me, He will do it again this year.

Scared? Of course I am. Stressed? Occasionally. Frustrated with people who don't appreciate me? Definitely. I'm just glad that every time I feel like banging my head against the wall, I can close my eyes, kneel down, and just spit my heart out to God. And I know He's listening because I gain comfort and strength then. A friend asked me "Why are you so assured that Jesus is Son of God?". And I thought to myself "Oh darling, you don't know how many times I wanted to give up on life simply to have the thought of Jesus covering me with all His love and mercy to stop me.". There's simply no one like Him.

I've already decided on my priorities so I will have to let go of some things this year. Like watching movies and tv series (I have lots of downloaded stuff I haven't watch cos I simply can't spare the time). Or even going out. And perhaps sometimes, sleep. My body has begin to adapt to sleeping 4 or 5 hours a day and I've already figured out a way to stay awake in class. I actually thought about taking pills, haha. Then I realised how much I will disappoint God and also my mentor, so I shed off the thought.

I'm writing this down not to show off or to complain. I just felt like spitting my life story for a moment there. That's it. And to think that I'm not even doing M.B.B.S. but already having these thoughts... it kinda makes me worried for my friends who are studying medicine and dentistry, wherever they are. I pray to God that He'll even be more merciful and loving towards them.

With that... I'm going back to my journals now.

Labels: killer assignments, Sunway stories

Except for the fact that my brother listens to rock and electronic genre (and he loves Selena Gomez; her music, not the girl herself), and minus the fact that I like empowering songs (and I love Justin Bieber; his songs, not the boy himself), we share the same love for music. Oh yes, he recently starts listening to K-Pop as well!

We discovered The Band Perry a few weeks ago (well, he discovered it first then he told me to listen to it). I know they've been around for a long time and their song 'If I Die Young' is kind of an old hit, but we love it still! Now we have the same message tone.

"If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a bed of rose,
Sink me in the river at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song."

P/S: Reid Perry is cute ;)

Labels: the band perry, vocals and chords, youtube frenzy

Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially done with semester one! My results are out. I missed out on a subject, if not I would have gotten a perfect 4.0 CGPA. Total bummer, yes, but it was totally my fault anyway. I underestimated the subject (and the lecturer) and thus, gone was my mind to blankness during the exam.


All glory goes to God! Because honestly, I thought I failed Research Methods. And plus, I thought I would have died with a mountain-load of research to do and journals to read during my assignment periods. But I survived, and I'm sure you (yes, you!) can too :) You know who you are. So, see, God does knows best. Continue cheering for me, folks, TTFN!

Labels: Sunway stories

Glee's best performance so far, performed for Mr. Schuester to propose to Miss Pillsbury. I love the routine and the fact that they put much effort in this particular performance.

Labels: Glee, youtube frenzy

I've been places. Not too far of course, but far enough for someone that comes from my background. That being said, here are just some places that earn a 'landmark' status in my life. Because they carry some sort of symbolic meaning to me. When I look at it or be there, I can smile because good memories resurface :)

1. The new family house.


We started construction around April 2011 and even though it hasn't been completed, we managed to celebrate Christmas at the new house. How many times can you proudly (and correctly) claim to people that you actually help in the construction of your own house? And no, I don't mean simply decorating and furnishing it. I was actually involved in the construction. I helped carry woods and tools, measured, painted, and... well, that's basically it. I sound useless, I know. But I did help! And my parents and  uncles and aunties, they built THAT. They have a legacy from literally their own sweat (and some blood involved as well) and hard work to pass on to their children! It's our pride and joy. I can understand why Uncle Dennis tends to show it off sometimes. After all, he gave the most. No, I'm not talking about money.

2. Sushi King.


I love sushi. But most importantly, I love the memories I have there and cherished it every single day in my life. You guys know who you are :)

3. The local (and the only) bowling alley in Sibu.


There's nothing more that my cousins and I love to do more than bowling. Seriously. Every time when the opportunity arises (which equates to every semester break), we'd meet up for bowling. 3 cars, 11 people, 2 bowling alleys, 8 bowling balls, 8 rented shoes, and sometimes, plus/minus 3 socks (because some of us always forgot to pack our socks). We wreck havoc at that place, I tell you. Sometimes, people would stop playing and just stare at us. And we'd just mind our own business fun.

4. That karaoke center near Delta Mall.


So there is something else that my cousins and I love to do more than bowling -- karaoke. We're like such loyal customers that the owner knows us! Probably he remembers us from that time the door knob was spoiled and we got locked inside the room, haha. Ahhhh, it always amazes me that after 3 hours of bellowing/screeching and fighting for the mic, we still love each other :p

5. That lecture room with the huge mirror (I think it's LH5, not so sure) in KTT.


OH PLEASE. The word 'huge mirror' must have given every reason why I love that room a lot! Plus, I have lotsa good memories of the B-Shakers United's dance practices there ;)

So yeah, that's my top 5, in order of preference. I have lots of people that mean the world to me. I just hope that they know that :) And these places... they're like my Narnia or Hogwarts.

Labels: walking in the clouds

It took me a while to find a skin that I really like ;) All credits are done appropriately & I had fun tweaking it as well. So TA-DAH; am so proud to present you a new look for my bloggie woogie!

Labels: bloggie woogie

If I were to describe 2011 in one word, I'd use 'disappointing'.

I know I'm a Christian first and foremost and should forever be a grateful child, thus you have every right to spite me and call me an 'ungrateful brat'. But we Christians are taught to tell the truth, even if it kills us and even if the truth itself will save a life. And the hard, cold truth is that in 2011, there are more things that I'm disappointed in rather than that I can be proud of.

Let's not get started on the whole not-gonna-be-a-doctor thing because we all know the story (assuming you've been a loyal reader, haha gotcha!). Let's not get too personal as well cos who knows what kind of stalker I have (:p).

But the thing is, last year, I haven't been able to walk with my heads held up. I'd smile at the floor. I'd avoid eye contacts when it gets too hard for me to handle. I'd have random crying moments. Yes, me. That girl who talks too much and laughs too loud.

And yet if I have to go through it again, I would. Damn it, yes I would.

Because even if it was tough as if the devil itself was messing with my life (and my head), I am still breathing. I got through 2011 and I look forward to 2012. Yes, it has been disappointing. Yes, life has been a mess. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes.

But the new year is here. 2012 has arrived and with it, come the hope of starting fresh and living anew. I didn't start mine with a bang, nah-ah. I spent it having dinner with my mom's side of the family, at the village. Boring, yes. But hey, I get to spend it with people who loves me despite the fact that I've let them down last year. And the fireworks display for the new year was so pretty and made me all hopeful still :) Plus, this year is leap year so I get an extra day this year :p

And just half an hour ago, Yvonne texted me saying that we (as in Acts Church) have secured the ownership of Dream Village. Woots!

What a way to start off 2012, with such a huge testimony from the church! So folks, there is still hope. Hope that God is faithful and He will never abandon us. Hope that life likes to give us second chances, and third, and fourth, and fifth. As long as we're breathing, there's always hope.

Have a blessed year ahead, friends. Proclaim that it shall be your best year yet :) Happy 2012 everyone!

PS: Hoping for my own testimony -- results coming out this Friday, do pray with me :)

Labels: walking in the clouds

One of the childish child-within-me dreams was to experience snow. It took God 20 years to fulfill this particular dream of mine. I almost forgot it but the moment I recognise that little speck that landed on my nose as snow, I remembered.

There was this Christmas setting at one of Sunway Pyramid's atriums. It reminded me of Narnia actually, especially the lamp posts. So Santa Claus brought his whole family from North Pole (at least that's what the MC said) and the children (and adults) was lining up to take a picture with them.

All of a sudden, a speck landed on my nose. One teeny-meeny little cold speck. Then another one landed on my cheek. I looked up. And I saw the most magical of things; snow. I reached out my hand and it felt so magical. The child within me was unleashed. I took off (my friends all forgotten -- did I mention I had friends with me as well) and ran around to catch the snow.

Before I realised it, I was joined by a few kids. I feel so absurd now that I looked back. But I never regretted it.

So yeah. It snowed yesterday at Sunway Pyramid. Eventhough it was a fake one, I still believe that God just fulfilled one of my dreams.

PS: If it was REALLY snowing in Malaysia, I think I should be rather worried about all that global warming and awkward weather changes :p

Labels: please don't laugh, Sunway stories, walking in the clouds

I have 3 assignments due this week: Statistics final homework, Research Methods final paper, and Pet Behavior presentation.

It's Thursday and I'm done with 2 out of 3. Tomorrow's the last killer presentation. Formal wear is a must, stuttering and unpreparedness is intolerable. I fell sick on Tuesday and got worst on Wednesday. Now feeling a whole lot crappy but thank God I'm still breathing.

It amaze me sometimes that I can cope with all these work and still go around, jumping and laughing. Well, generally and mostly, I was just loud. People can't handle that. I didn't know at first but I apparently annoy them when I'm too happy during stressful situations. It makes me sad. Cos we're young and we're so free and the world is ours. Sure assignments and exams seek to doom us to nothingness but that's why we have time.

My pastor once said that God gave us 24 hours a day because He KNOWS it's enough for us. He knows the best for us. So don't doubt it.

24 hours is enough. All you need to do is maximize your time wisely. Prioritize. That's why our life gets messy sometimes. We let our priorities slip and then you have to rush to get it back. I messed up my life once cos I lose sight of what's important. I'm not gonna let that happen again. I don't expect my friends (at least the ones here in Sunway) to understand my drive and motivation but THIS is important to me. I have things to prove and standards to reach. I'm sorry if I sound insulting every time I tell you not to do last minute works or to study more. It's just that I've been there, at hopelessness, and I don't like it. And I don't want anyone to go through what I went through because I know how hard it is.

So yeah, I'm "busy like chicken" (as my roommate, Anna, would always say). And yet am so excited to help out at Homes tomorrow! Booh-yah!

PS: Yes, I do have a life.
PPS: Just got back my results for Stats test and English position paper assignment. Both are As :) So you see, if I once who failed can do it, why can't you? Hwaiting, chingu-ya!

Labels: psych babble, Sunway stories